I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
