my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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