Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
