Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
