oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
