Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
