I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
