Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
