They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
