Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
