You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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