Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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