I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
