Will you blow on my dice?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
