I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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