we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i now understand why vodka
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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