6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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