Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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