I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
