so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
