After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
