I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
