You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Randomize
