His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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