im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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