I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
