so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
