onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
