I wanna bring you to show and tell
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
