I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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