there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
