Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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