Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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