On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
