New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
