You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
