Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
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You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
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bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All I want is dick and wine.
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