I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
