It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
