I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
