i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
