All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
