I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
