I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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