i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
