Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
