Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
