One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
