Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
