so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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