I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
