do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
