The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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