she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
