I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
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That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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