Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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