My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
why do cheetos always look like penises
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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