There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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