Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
