we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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