You're completely useless in the revolution.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
