you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
