go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
