You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize