Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
