And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
