thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
