you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
