I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
