i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
