Are we in a gay sports bar?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
