I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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