I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
