I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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