i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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