One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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