I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
