So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
