And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
