oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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