it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
