Sry I called you an 8
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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