also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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