Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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