if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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