Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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