Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
