Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
