The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
