The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
