you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
