Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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