I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
